Blog Post 17
5/24/2023
13O30’11” S 72O1’45” W
The gender norms in India are a fascinating and sad topic, but I have to start off by saying this is a very difficult blog post for me to write for a number of reasons. Two reasons are most prevalent, the first is the rabbit hole that is cultural relativism. Cultural relativism is, at its simplest, the principle that our cultures frame our perceptions and morality, meaning that some action in one culture could be totally morally acceptable, but in another cultural setting the action could be deeply immoral. I am not saying that I believe cultural relativism necessarily defines true morality, but it certainly makes what I am going to talk about much more complicated. The second issue I face is the fact that I am on but a brief journey in a land I am not familiar with, making me unqualified to talk about the issue of gender norms in India with any substantial cultural backing. Nonetheless, I will do my best to open this can of worms.
The first visible symptom that something is going on when you enter India is the dress code in major cities. I can still vividly recall seeing construction workers digging holes wearing dress pants with collared shirts and slick comb-overs. No matter what job you had, that is what you wore. In stark contrast were thousands of beautiful patterned and multi-colored saris that festooned every woman in sight. Later on in the trip I would see that no matter what women did (whether that be working on a field or in a cubicle) the sari would be worn. That is not to say that there aren't exceptions to every rule and in certain progressive places clothing was more fluid. On the whole, however, the rule held true.
So why are these saris so important? They instill an immediate difference between men and women which is crucial to the social hierarchy of India. The silken saris act as an immediate identifier but also harken back to some kind of nostalgia for how women should be. It is not uncommon to find sentiments like this in the US. The control and exploitation of women’s sexuality taps into the same ideal that saris bring: ‘good’ women behave a certain way and wear certain clothes, and women who do not do that are not acceptable.
The most informative way I got to interact with gender dynamics was through our local contacts. In the beginning of our time in Rajasthan, for example, we interacted mainly with our friend, but soon, we met his family and were able to spend time with his wife and children. I had many delicious meals at their house, went on trips with them, and spent a night there. I noticed that our hostess was more soft spoken, not quick to speak. As time passed however, I built up a rapport with her, and by the end of my time I found that she was a fascinating person with a great sense of humor and many interests. Initially, I simply thought that she was shy, but as I toured other traditional regions, I realized it was a pattern.
Maybe the trend was in some part caused by our presence. Hospitality is deemed one of the most important values. It is also fairly rare to see foreigners in most of India, and I think the novelty of our presence combined with hospitality's importance within the culture could have made people behave differently around us. I know that when being a host, the best way to relate to the guest is to show them you’re not crazy because you have acceptable ideals. This may lead you to reinforce propriety and be on your best behavior. Since we elicited shyness from our female host, it reveals that a meek or shy woman is an important part of traditional (thus mainstream) Indian culture. In one instance, after our hostess finished a long cooking session for dinner, rather than sit with us at the table, she tried to eat at a bench against the wall without anywhere to put her food. We insisted she join us, but I couldn’t tell what she and her husband thought of our request.
I visited multiple households in India, and nearly every time there was a brutally stark divide between the role of the man and the role of the women. The man would walk us in, sit down to talk to us, and generally be fairly outgoing. On the other hand, the woman would be completely out of sight for most of the time except to offer us chai tea or some sort of snack. Initially, I resisted the urge to take the offering because I felt that I would be in some way validating or feeding into this system that I despised. But I slowly noticed that there was something more complex going on. I couldn't help but realize that when we were offered something and we accepted, It seemed to elicit some amount of joy from our host and the opposite when we did not accept. It was extremely hard for me to understand that even though my action of accepting the chai made more work for our host, and potentially in some small way fed into the system, the acceptance of the chai could also give the person in question some amount of validation or empowerment in a small way.
However, my simply accepting a chai tea didn’t seem like the right way to combat the systemic problem. As I traveled further in India, I met multiple empowered women who worked tirelessly to bring education and means of self-sufficiency to women all across India. Initially there ‘might’ have been an argument that under cultural relativism, the roles within Indian society are acceptable. But as soon as someone within the system feels the need to rebel, cultural relativism or no, the system is oppressive. So while I have some reservations about prescribing my moral view on other cultures, after careful thought, India most certainly is not protected under cultural relativism.
That being said, the problem in India is so systemic and far-reaching that it will be a hard fight. India is a huge country, and so much of it is populated by villages of people totally unconnected to the rest of the world. This means they have limited means of sharing those perspectives to make change within their systems. It will take huge amounts of time and effort to educate and empower all the women across the country. And I only worry that the rising surge of Hindu nationalism will make this empowerment more difficult day by day.
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